When I was a kid, I often thought, “When I have my own kids, I’ll do better than my parents.” It’s a common thought, one born out of the innocence of childhood, not yet understanding the complexities of parenting. But as I became a parent myself, I realized that being a good parent is not about doing everything perfectly—it’s about doing your best, learning, and healing along the way.
My childhood wasn’t easy. I experienced physical and verbal abuse, my mom left when I was just 3, and I faced the heartbreak of placing my first child up for adoption when I was 18. These experiences, and the trauma that came with them, shaped who I am and how I parent today. But I’ve also learned that my parents—my dad, mom, and stepmom—truly did the best they could. Through my healing, I’ve come to forgive them, understand them, and have compassion for their struggles. And now, as I raise my own children, I find myself breaking the patterns of my past.
Healing My Relationship with My Oldest Son: Overcoming Fear and Childhood Trauma
When my oldest son was diagnosed with autism, I remember feeling like it was my fault. I believed I had to “fix” him to protect him from the pain of being different. I wanted him to have a normal life, free from judgment, bullying, and struggle. But what I didn’t realize at the time was that I was smothering him with my fears. My attempts to protect him made him feel like he wasn’t enough, and it led to him developing low self-esteem. He became depressed and even suicidal, which shattered me.
Then he told his therapist that I was his trigger. That hit hard because I always saw myself as his biggest supporter. But from his perspective, he felt like he couldn’t do anything right, like I didn’t trust him to make decisions for himself. That moment was a wake-up call for me. I had to let go of my fears, step back, and trust that he was capable. And he is. I’ve watched him go from being non-verbal to maintaining good grades, navigating the challenges of school, getting his first job, and now preparing to graduate high school. He’s shown me that he’s more than capable, and I’ve learned to trust him.
Navigating My Relationship with My Daughter and Breaking Generational Patterns
With my daughter, I found myself fearing that she would turn out like me. She reminds me so much of myself in certain ways, but at the same time, she’s more free, confident, and bold. She’s not a girly girl—she’s outgoing, over the top, and she brings out the best in others. I used to worry about her being judged for her differences, and in my fear, I tried to stifle her self-expression. I was trying to protect her, but in reality, I wasn’t accepting her for who she is.
Through my healing, I realized I needed to let go and allow her to discover herself. The more I work on healing my inner child, the more I see how my fears were preventing my children from having what I longed for as a child—freedom to express themselves, to be confident and authentic. Now, I’ve learned to accept her fully and trust that I’ve given her what she needs to thrive.
A More Healed Version of Me
By the time I had my youngest child, I was in a better place—mentally, emotionally, and physically. He’s receiving a more healed version of me, and because of that, I’m able to parent him with less fear and more trust. My healing journey has taught me that as I heal, my children heal. I may not have been able to save them from every generational pattern, but I’m breaking cycles. I’ve created an environment where my children feel safe to express themselves, confident in who they are, and free to live their authentic lives.
Letting Go of Control: How Healing Childhood Trauma Changed My Parenting
Through my journey, I’ve learned the art of awareness, forgiveness, inner child healing, shadow work, mindfulness, and meditation. These practices have helped me gain compassion for myself, give myself grace, and embrace self-love. Every day, I’m learning to be a better version of myself and a better mom. I’m not perfect, but I’m committed to healing—for myself and for my children.
I’ve learned that parenting is not about control or protection. It’s about trust. It’s about letting go of the fears that block connection and stepping into a space of love, support, and compassion. Healing has taught me to see my children not through the lens of my own pain, but as individuals with their own unique journeys. And as I continue to heal, I’ll keep learning how to trust them more and more.
