Rediscovering joy in a world that seems joyless
The heaviness of the day doesn’t begin when the alarm goes off. It presses in long before our eyes open, creeping in as we lay in bed, restless, mind racing, already bracing for tomorrow’s responsibilities. We toss and turn, waking up multiple times, only to be met with the same unease, the same mental checklist running through our heads.
And somewhere between navigating careers, motherhood, and the endless to-do lists, I lost something precious: the ability to just be. I forgot how to enjoy life without the constant pressure to improve, achieve, and be ‘better’—whatever that meant. The heaviness of adulthood settled in, and before I knew it, the simple pleasures that once made life feel light had faded into the background, overshadowed by the demands of everyday life.
I remember as a child, there was this joy, this ease—this effortless curiosity about life. Everything felt light and magical, as if the world itself was filled with endless possibilities. But now, I find myself wondering: Where did it go? How did I get here, to this place where joy feels distant, and the magic of life seems buried beneath the routine?
When did that shift happen? When did the childlike curiosity and ease that once colored our days get replaced with a sense of dread, of merely getting through? The truth is, the joy didn’t disappear—it just got buried beneath the layers of adulthood. And now, it’s time to rediscover that joy, to reclaim the small moments of peace and playfulness that once brought us so much light, because somewhere along the way, the lightness I carried as a child began to feel heavy, weighed down by the responsibilities and pressures of adulthood.
The Struggles of Adulting
I remember as a kid, I had so many dreams for life. That question, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” filled me with confidence. I felt like I had real power in me to make that decision, to shape my future. But as I grew older, the adults around me had a way of disempowering that feeling. They’d tell me my dreams weren’t realistic or that they wouldn’t amount to anything.
Looking back, I realize they were doing what they thought was best—my parents were baby boomers, raised by people who had lived through the Great Depression and segregation. Security and sustainability were their measures of success. And somewhere along the way, I began to feel the pressure to make sure my choices in life were profitable, responsible, and “realistic.”
As I became an adult, the weight of those expectations began to shape how I lived. Life became less about dreams and more about what was sustainable. The confidence I once had as a child faded, replaced by the pressure to achieve, to check off boxes, and to meet the demands of the world around me. Joy became secondary, buried beneath layers of responsibility.
It reminds me of the movie Hook, where Peter Pan grows up and becomes someone completely unrecognizable. There’s this beautiful moment when one of Pan’s Lost Boys Pockets walks up to Peter Pan, rubs his face, pulls his cheeks and mouth into a smile, and says, “There you are, Peter.” That scene resonates so deeply because it’s such a reflection of how we can lose ourselves in adulthood. We look in the mirror every day and barely recognize who we’ve become. The weight of responsibilities, the constant striving, and the struggles we face change us, pulling us further away from the person we once were.
The Moment of Awareness
For a long time, I didn’t fully understand what was missing. It was more than just exhaustion—it was a deeper sense of longing, a quiet emptiness that lingered beneath the surface. I had the husband, the kids, the life that I thought I was supposed to want. But still, something didn’t fit. There was a gap between the life I was living and the life I desired, and it wasn’t about my husband or kids—it was me.
I had lost sight of myself. Before I was a mom and a wife, I had dreams—dreams that I wanted to live, goals that I was passionate about. But somewhere along the way, as life became heavier and more real, I lost myself in the responsibilities, the routine, the roles I had taken on. That’s when the weight of it all truly sank in. I realized that the joy and the lightness I once carried had been buried beneath layers of obligation and expectation. And the more I tried to ignore it, the more it pulled at me.
That moment of awareness was sobering. I knew that if I wanted to feel alive again, I had to rediscover the parts of me I had left behind. I needed to find the joy that had slipped through my fingers and reconnect with myself in a way that felt real and meaningful.
Rediscovering Joy through Simplicity
After that realization, I started reflecting on what brought me joy as a child—the things that once made me feel alive, the passions I pursued without a second thought. As kids, we live so freely in the moment, unburdened by expectations. I remember writing with a sense of excitement, as if my thoughts were endless, and I could turn anything into a story. Words flowed easily, and I didn’t question whether they were good enough. I just wrote because it felt natural because it made me happy.
And then there were the nights I’d sneak out of the house late at night and lay under the stars, letting the vastness of the sky stare back at me, daring me to dream, to believe that I too could become something vast. In those moments, the world felt limitless, like there was nothing stopping me from becoming whatever I wanted to be. The stars became my quiet companions, gently encouraging me to dream bigger.
But somewhere along the way, I stopped looking up. I became consumed with the responsibilities of life, and the stars faded from my view. Every now and then, when I catch myself briefly glancing up at the sky, I feel it—the quiet pull, the call to remember those dreams, to embrace that sense of wonder and possibility again. It’s as if the stars are still there, waiting for me to return, to dream once more and rediscover the vastness within me.
Rediscovering joy isn’t about chasing something new—it’s about remembering what we’ve forgotten and reconnecting with the simple things that once made us feel alive. It’s about letting go of the pressure to achieve and allowing ourselves to experience joy in the present moment, just as we did when we were kids.
Moving Forward: Reclaiming Joy in Small Steps
We often tell ourselves there isn’t enough time. Between work, family, and all the obligations we juggle, it feels like there’s little room left for joy. So, we default to what’s easy—scrolling through our phones, watching TV—activities that require no effort but also bring no fulfillment. We do them because everything else feels too hard, or too time-consuming, and we convince ourselves that joy takes more energy than we have to give.
But what if rediscovering joy didn’t require more effort? What if, instead, it was about shifting how we view the time we already have? Instead of asking, “Do I have time for this?” ask yourself, “How can I invite more joy into the moments I already have?”
Joy isn’t about adding more to your plate—it’s about choosing differently in the small pockets of time you do have. Here are a few ways to begin inviting joy back into your life, even when time feels limited:
- Revisit Your Childhood Passions – Think back to what gave you joy as a child. Was it writing, drawing, playing outside, or something else? Instead of scrolling on your phone, dedicate just 5 or 10 minutes to reconnect with those activities. Let them be an escape from the mundane rather than another task on your to-do list.
- Find Joy in Stillness – Stillness often feels like the last thing we have time for, but it’s in those quiet moments that joy has the chance to emerge. When you feel the urge to check your phone, try stepping outside instead. Look at the sky, take a deep breath, and notice the world around you. These small pauses can bring joy in ways that distractions cannot.
- Let Go of Perfectionism – We often feel that if we can’t do something perfectly, it’s not worth doing at all. But joy doesn’t thrive in perfection—it thrives in the moments when we give ourselves permission to be imperfect. Allow yourself to engage in something messy or unstructured, even if it’s just for fun. Joy often sneaks in when we stop striving for perfection.
- Reconnect with Your Inner Child – Allow yourself to dream again. What would you do if there were no expectations or obligations? Spend a few minutes reflecting on that. You don’t need to overhaul your life to reconnect with joy; you just need to make space for it in the moments that are already there. The stars still call to me, even in the brief moments I glance up. What calls to you?
So remember, rediscovering our joy doesn’t need to be complicated and it’s not about making drastic changes or finding extra time in an already busy life. It’s about remembering that joy is woven into the smallest moments—the moments we tend to overlook. It’s a choice we make every day, not something we need to chase or work for.
When we allow ourselves to reconnect with the things that brought us happiness as children, or simply pause to appreciate the present, we realize that joy has always been within reach. We just need to open ourselves up to it, one small, simple step at a time.
So, as you move forward, remember: you don’t need to wait for a perfect moment to experience joy. It’s already here, waiting for you to notice it.
